Friday, February 19, 2010

"Um, could I get a lobotomy over here?"

Sometimes it's so easy to be a woman. Well, it's easy to be a woman when you need an excuse for something. It's easy to blame things on hormones, fatigue from raising children, and not being able to find my Dunkin Donuts gift card. The past few weeks I've been feeling sort of down, lackluster and overwhelmed by feelings of worthlessness that were infiltrating every thought. I've been a deep thinker all of my life, pondering the most miniscule of topics to the greatest questions that this life could raise in my mind. Although I'm an eternal optimist and have an innate hope that can never be quenched, I still sometimes experience being what my dad used to call "a positive person with a negative brain".

I've been consciously retraining my mind to create new habits of thinking. I keep reminding myself not to dwell on anything unless I'm currently right smack-dab in the middle of doing it. That means not worrying over what someone said three days (um, weeks, years...) ago, not planning and replanning an event a few months away, and definitely not tackling any mentally-demanding project before bedtime. My zzzzzzzz's and my creative energy just don't seem to mix. Forming new thought patterns is one way that I'm finding much more inner peace. It's simple to blame external factors - being a busy parent, living in a materialistic culture, having a case of the Januarys (even though it's February...) - for not being able to find a higher level of contentment. Disconnecting from the obvious reasons and retraining our minds to let go of negativity helps bring us lasting, substantial contentment.

As I said, being a woman affords me plenty of excuses for why I sometimes feel like a loser or adopt an attitude that would better suit me if I were green, in a trashcan and had a puppeteer up my back (um, no thanks). More than being a woman, being a human being, affords us the greatest excuses for not tapping into the transformative process that God so graciously begins in each of us when we come to Him. Our sinful minds, which some people like to refer to as "ego" in psychological terms, separate us from our heavenly Creator. They keep us bound to these bodies, this world, these ways of thinking and feeling. All it takes is pushing ourselves to grasp the world in a different way, from a different point of view, and we can shift our energy around to receive the Holy Spirit upon us and embody more fully the way we appear in God's eyes. Remember, our physical self is not what ascends to heaven. It's our souls that make that journey home. I firmly believe that God's salvation doesn't only include a ticket to His Paradise but also the tools necessary to become a good traveler - the ability to attain His peace, His happiness, His love and His grace here on earth.

I have so many more thoughts on the topic of accessing your God-inspired peace, and I'll write much more after I've had a chance for God to direct me in what I need to say. It's just amazing how taking the time to create new habits in how I process thoughts, cracks appear in the walls surrounding my earthly mind, letting in the brilliant shine of His glorious heaven. Remember, you are here because He made you. Don't walk this earth thinking (and acting) like you only have a purpose if you choose to. Don't be melancholy because you can't figure out what you're supposed to do or who you're destined to be. God didn't make anyone who wasn't a part of His plan. He created you because you're supposed to be here. You don't need to prove to yourself or to anyone that you deserve to be. Let your thoughts and intentions stem from that truth, and you'll see yourself and your time here on earth in a whole new Light.

17 comments:

  1. It is a matter of walking one moment at at time with our God, not fretting about the future.

    He has made us to glorify Him with what He has given us to do at this very moment! If it is changing diapers, then we do it for His glory, knowing we are providing loving care for one He created.

    As Momma's we can do so much, but we can also get off track and overwhelmed. During the season of Mothering young children, we need to cut ourselves some slack and not worry about righting all the world's wrongs, etc... We just need to focus on training and discipling these little ones God has blessed us with.

    All too soon they grow into adults...we only get this small amount of time to raise them. When we focus on glorifying God we can serve our families cheerfully, without feeling like we are missing something or not doing what we should be doing. Everything in it's season!

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  2. Amen & amen! Great read this morning, Kelly! I'm with ya ;o)

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  3. *nods head enthusiastically* Great post, mama :)

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  4. Philippians 4:8
    Finally, brethren, WHATSOEVER THINGS are true, WHATSOEVER THINGS [are] honest, WHATSOEVER THINGS [are] just, WHATSOEVER THINGS [are] pure, WHATSOEVER THINGS [are] lovely, WHATSOEVER THINGS [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things.

    I struggle with these issues also.
    I try to claim scripture to help me stay in the right frame of mind.
    I enjoyed your post and it is so raw and real.

    I found you today through Friday Follow. I am your newest follower.
    Stop by and follow me.
    I have two blogs, One for giveaways, and the other for our family testimony in our walk with the Lord.

    Buttons and Bows
    http://mommiesgotfivechildren.blogspot.com/2010/02/friday-follow-week-6.html

    We are forever His
    http://thelifeofachristianfamily.blogspot.com/

    Have a great weekend.

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  5. Great blog! Happy "Friday Follow"!! I'm your newest follower! Love for you to come visit me!

    Have a great weekend :)
    ~Shelley @ Shelley's Swag

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  6. Hi, I am following from friday follow!I am following you!
    Stop by and visit me at,
    http://www.smartandtrendymoms.com/
    http://rockincupcake.blogspot.com/

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  7. It is amazing how changing how you think or react to one thing can ripple through your life. Living in the moment is hard, as is trusting the future to work according to God's plan. I agree that we need to work with one day at a time and work with the present, but it sometimes hard to let go of the past and judgements perceived from others, but since it is already over and gone I've been trying to let things go. Trying!

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  8. Oh, I had another thought too (I just finished a workout- yeah and now I am probably getting more blood flow to my brain), if you are feeling low you should say something. I think we keep a lot of that inside while if we shared it the load might be lightened a lot sooner. For example on Wednesday I felt like a horrible mother, like Oliver's behavior was all my fault and that it was because I was failing to teach him proper behavior and those thoughts just kind of spiralled on out into space. While I do need to keep teaching about proper behavior and such, I can't take all the blame for someone else's behavior, even my own child's, because God gave us each free will and how we each use that free will is an independent process for anyone, from child to adult. But it took a bit of thought to stop blaming myself for it all.

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  9. Kelly,

    This is exciting. Your transformation is beyond physical beauty. You have cleared the table (literally)and made room for some amazing realizations.

    A touch of the vapors settles upon me every now and then. Before long, I'll see the pattern of my thoughts. Then I go all Ecclesiastes 3 on myself and remember the most fertile soil is deep in the valleys, not sitting high upon the mountain tops.

    You're not alone and you know He's got you - forever!

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  10. I'm so glad you stopped by and left me comments. You seem like a swell gal and I think we might have a few things in common. :) I'll be stopping back! (great post)

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  11. Thanks for making me take a deep breath. :) Happy SITS Saturday Sitsta!

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  12. Thanks for another great post Kelly - I could totally relate, I'm guilty on dwelling too much on the past or negatives (being a worry-wort) rather than focusing on the great stuff here and now. Your comment about training your mind reminded me of a bit in a fascinating book I read recently "The brain that changes itself" by Norman Doige - which says basically that you can train your brain to think about what you'd prefer, just by NOT thinking about the stuff you don't want to. It's something I try to remember when I'm dwelling on things I can't do anything about or worrying unnecessarily. Thanks again for another thought provoking post.

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  13. Thanks for another great post Kelly - I could totally relate, I'm guilty on dwelling too much on the past or negatives (being a worry-wort) rather than focusing on the great stuff here and now. Your comment about training your mind reminded me of a bit in a fascinating book I read recently "The brain that changes itself" by Norman Doige - which says basically that you can train your brain to think about what you'd prefer, just by NOT thinking about the stuff you don't want to. It's something I try to remember when I'm dwelling on things I can't do anything about or worrying unnecessarily. Thanks again for another thought provoking post.

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  14. Hi There! I am participating in my first Friday Follow. I have a brand new blog-I hope you can visit! I now follow and subscribe! Thanks!
    Bridgette Groschen
    The Groschen Goblins
    http://www.groschengoblins.blogspot.com/

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  15. Hi Kelly,
    I saw your link on Debs site. Do you remember my daughter Gianna was in your class at St.Johns. It is so good to see you. You look beautiful and your children are beautiful. I had my 3rd and his name is Emilio.He will be two in two months. Where does the time go? It looks like you are really enjoying motherhood. You were an awesome teacher, do you think you will ever do it again? It is great to see you, wonderful blog you have as well. Stephanie

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  16. I'm visiting from Friday Follows! I hope you find some fun new blogs today. I'm your latest follower. :-)

    I love all of the pictures.

    Molly
    http://onegratefulmama.blogspot.com/

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